Mood Swings
by blazingapple
Summary: AU Blood Money. What might've happened if Lisbon wasn't interrupted.


"You know, I'm always going to save you Lisbon. Whether you like it or not."

"I don't need to be saved. I knew this would end up with disaster the day I signed on with you. One day, I'm going to get fired because of you. That's just the way it is."

Patrick Jane wasn't a man who was confused easily, but he was confused. He quickly regained his composure.

"Well, some people might ask why you signed on with me in the first place."

"We catch lots of bad guys, most days that's enough.."

He stared at her expectantly, daring her continue.

"Well, when I first met you I knew…well I thought, I mean I still think that I can change your mind."

She saw the exact moment he understood what she was talking about. He knew was coming.

"Look, we don't have to talk about…"

He stopped when he saw her forest green eyes glass over with a layer of tears.

"Believe it or not I've had a pretty crappy life myself, and all those times you've spoken to me about revenge, like I wouldn't know what it's like to want to hurt someone who caused your pain, who caused your life to turn to crap. I know exactly what it's like to want someone else's blood on your hands as a sort of justice. And it wasn't like I had an epiphany or something, I just realised she wasn't coming back and nothing I could do would change that."

She took deep breaths in and out; she could feel her pulse quickening. She stared into his deep, teal eyes which seemed to have stopped blinking.

He tried to remember the last time someone had spoken to him like this. Spoken with such passion, such fire while being so forthright. For years everyone had tip-toed around him constantly asking 'how he was doing' while giving him the pity look. When he looked into her eyes he saw regret, sorrow and resentment. He didn't know what to say. He could try and stick with the cliché "I'm really sorry, I had no idea." But she would see straight through that lie. Because that's all it was, a lie. He knew exactly how she was feeling and yet he still acted this way. He was selfish, possibly even more so than he used to be. He was going take a risk by doing something unexpected to catch her off guard. He took a step closer to her, stretched out his arms and pulled her into an embrace.

"I'm sorry I brought up these memories, I know it must be tough for you," he whispered into her ear.

She took a step back and pushed him away from her. "You think this is about me? This is about the fact that you are taking the easy way out!"

He felt the anger building up in his chest and surging through his veins. She had no right to be saying those things and he wasn't going let it go easily. No more Mr Nice guy.

"I'm taking the easy way out am I? Really, let's think about this for a second shall we? Ok, I spend around 90% of my time thinking how to catch the man who is slowly killing me, who takes pleasure in my pain. The man who has dedicated his life to making me go insane. And when I'm not thinking about how to catch this bastard, I'm trying to remember Ange and Lottie without a layer of blood covering their skin. Or spending my time trying to catch someone who 'accidently' shot their girlfriend who was cheating on them. Oh, and how could I forget the fact that I haven't slept over 4 hours in the past 8 years without the help of sleeping pills. So yes, I guess you're right, I am taking the easy way out!"

She had never seen him so fired up in all the years she had known him. 'To hell with this,' she thought to herself 'our friendship is pretty much screwed anyway'. She took a step closer again, and noticed the slightly manic look in his eyes.

"You are taking the easy way out! You think that by punishing the cause of your pain, you feel better. NEWSFLASH JANE, it won't change anything. You know what; tell me how that works out for you, because I can't take this anymore."

They both stared at each other for what felt like an eternity; both trying to remember how this even started.

The silence was deafening, and would've lasted longer if he wasn't determined to have the last word.

"Oh please, we both know that tomorrow you'll come crawling back like a pathetic lamb. You try to appear to be this 'tough as nails cop' when really you're just a scared, little girl."

He went too far. He knew that as soon as he said that last word.

It was her automatic reflex that she let take over when her hand collided with his cheek. She jumped back like she had been burnt, and retreated to the corner. When she was 15 years-old, she made a vow to herself that she would never hit someone. She knew first-hand exactly how it felt, from living with that pathetic excuse of a father. Although she knew that Jane had been asking for it, she would never forgive herself.

He stared at her from across the room. She was curled into a ball and purposely avoiding eye contact. Her reaction had truly surprised him. Not the slap, he deserved it but the way she jumped back. The look in her eyes was pure shame. It dawned on him why she was so upset. With steady feet, he made his way across the room towards her silent figure. He sat down next to her and stared at her thinking about how broken she looked. All that passion she displayed before was completely gone. He edged closer and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders. She noticeably flinched at his touch. He was like a poison, ruining everything he touched.

"I'm really sorry, I was way out line," he finally blurted out.

"Yes. You were," she stated coldly, "but I really didn't mean to hit you, I can't believe I…I'm really sorry," she looked up at him through tearful eyes. "Please don't hate me." Her forest greens pleaded to him.

He couldn't believe what she was saying.

"Don't be ridiculous, I deserved every bit of that."

She still seemed unconvinced.

"You of all people should know that I've received a whole lot worse than that, it didn't even leave a mark. Last time I was at the doctors for a check-up he told me I was completely healthy, except I had abnormally weak blood vessels in my nose."

She allowed herself to smile. "Well you do have a knack for pissing people off."

Relief flooded his face when he realised she was no longer in her hole of depressing memories.

"Well I for one have no idea what it is about me, it can't be my face. What's not to love about my face?" And with that he released his famous Cheshire cat grin.

"Maybe it's because you have that egotistical air that surrounds you wherever you go."

She loved it when they were able to talk like this.

He gave a dramatic gasp and grabbed his chest. "I'm wounded, how can you say such a…"

"Shut up!" she yelled at him while clamping his mouth shut with her hand.

"I think I hear someone!"

They both jumped up to the air-hole and started yelling for the mystery person to release them. The doors opened and a blinding light came flooding in. She took a step forward and he leant over and whispered into her ear.

"I could never hate you, not after all you've done for me. You don't have to worry, you aren't your father."

And with that he took her hand and they left with the kid and his goat.


End file.
